Things I'll Never Say
by Samantha20
Summary: Buffy goes to LA, what is it she can't say to Angel?


Things I'll Never Say - Avril Lavigne  
  
Carefully Buffy checked her appearance in the glass of one of the windows. Satisfied with how she looked, she opened the door which read 'Angel Investigations.' She took a deep breath as she entered. Angel was here, she could feel him, the way she'd always been able to. As she moved over towards the front desk, Angel came barreling out of his office, almost knocking her over. Losing her balance she instinctively grabbed at him to stop herself from falling.  
  
Gently he helped her regain her balance. "Are you all right?" he paused as she pulled her hair away from her face. "Buffy?" "Thanks for the welcome." she smiled at him. "What are you doing in LA?" "Uh, I'm..." she stuttered, lost for words.  
  
I'm tugging at my hair I'm pulling at my clothes I'm trying to keep my cool I know it shows I'm staring at my feet My cheeks are turning red I'm searching for the words inside my head  
  
Cordelia shrieked as she saw Buffy, pulling her into a huge hug. "Buffy, it's so good to see you! Sit down, I'll make us some coffee and we can talk." Buffy almost fell over again. She couldn't remember Cordelia being so nice. Silently she moved to the sofa and sat down, Angel sat down right across from her.  
  
I'm feeling nervous Trying to be so perfect Cuz I know you're worth it you're worth it yeah  
  
Cordelia beemed as she handed Buffy and Angel both cups of coffee. "So what's new in Sunnydale?" "Not much." Buffy admitted, "It's been pretty quiet. I brought you a letter from your parents, though." She smiled at Cordy as she handed it over. "That's so sweet." Cordelia thanked her. Buffy shook her head. "I saw your mom on the street yesterday, and I told her I was coming up to LA." "So why did you come up?" Angel asked again, trying to make it sound like he was asking for the first time. "Guess I just needed a break. Things have been kinda hectic at home. Mom's been in and out of hospital, Dawn's confused, she's so stressed about the whole thing." she answered, finally able to string together enough words to make a coherant sentence in Angel's presence. "So what are you doing here then? Don't your mom and Dawn need you at home?" Cordelia asked her, sounding more like the old 'Queen C' she remembered. "I got sent off for the weekend. I'm not allowed back home until Monday morning, at the earliest." she chuckled. "Why?" Angel asked. "Mom thinks I'm doing too much. But it's not like I have a choice. Willow and Giles are going to look in on them all weekend." "So everyone knows you're in LA?" Angel asked her.  
  
If I could say what I want to say I'd say I wanna blow you away Be with you every night, Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could say what I want to see I want to see you go down on one knee Marry me today Guess I'm wishing my life away With these things I'll never say  
  
"Yeah, I have to see my dad while I'm here. I thought since I was coming up anyway, I'd stop in and see how you guys have been." she answered, after a long pause. As she finished speaking the door opened. Wesley and another guy she didn't know entered.  
  
It don't do me any good It's just a waste of time What use is it to you What's on my mind? If it ain't coming out We're not going anywhere So why can't I just tell you that I care  
  
Wesley smiled when he saw her. "Hello Buffy. Been busy? Is there evil afoot?" Buffy almost laughed out loud. She couldn't even remember Giles coming out with something as strange as 'afoot'. "I'm on vacation, Wes. Monsters aren't allowed." she answered him, with a cheeriness that surprised herself. "How's your mother, and Giles?" he asked, being sociable. "Not bad. We had some weird stuff happen, the weird went and now it's all good at home." she answered casually. "Weird stuff?" Wesley looked interested. "You know, uh, Dracula, robot girls, fairytale monsters, Spike..." she trailed off. "You met Dracula?" Angel asked her. "Uh, yeah. That is I uh, I fought him. He made Xander his minion." Cordelia chuckled. "Can't imagine Xander being a minion." she paused, "This is Gunn by the way. He works with us." Cordelia turned to Gunn, "Gunn, this is Buffy." Buffy suppress the urge to giggle. "Hi." she extended her hand for him to shake. "So what else has been going on?" Angel asked, sounding interested. She turned her head to face him, and got herself caught in his coffee colored eyes. "I, uh. We, that is the gang and I, have been busy. Willow's birthday, and we saw Oz again. He didn't take the news too well." she babbled.  
  
What's wrong with my tongue? These words keep slipping away I stutter I stumble Like I've got nothing to say  
  
"What news?" Cordelia chipped in, eager to get the gossip from Sunnydale. Buffy stared at her blankly for a second. "The news? Oh, Willow's gay." "And you say it so matter of fact-ly." Angel said, sounding surprized. "Doesn't bother me." she answered. "Her girlfriend Tara is one of the sweetest people alive. She's a pretty powerful wicca too." "So you're the Buffy everyone here talks about?" Gunn said, directing his question to her. "No idea," she answered, "Maybe these guys know more than one Buffy."  
  
Cuz I'm feeling nervous trying to be so perfect Cuz I know you're worth it you're worth it yeah  
  
Gunn chuckled, obviously amused at her sense of humor. "Girl, that's not even funny." "You laughed." she quipped. "And don't call me girl, or I'll drop you on your ass." For a second her eyes smouldered, then cooled. "Take it easy." Angel reached over to lay his hand on her arm, looking shocked when she moved away from his touch. He looked into her eyes, but she pulled her gaze away. She couldn't say anything, it was like her voice had been stolen by fairytale monsters again.  
  
Guess I'm wishing my life away With these things I'll never say  
  
She sat there silently, willing herself to stay calm. Angel eyed her, his features etched with worry. "Are you-." "I'm fine," she cut him off. "That's just not a good idea." She forced herself to look into his eyes, to try and lie to him. In that moment there were so many things she wanted to say to him. So many things she wanted to tell him. And all she could come up with was a lie. Gracefully she stood up. "I'd better get going. My dad's expecting me soon. He'll be worried if I'm late." Cordelia reached out and hugged her. "Don't be a stranger. And thanks, for the letter." Wesley and Gunn both echoed her good byes. Angel was silent. He got to his feet, but before he could speak Buffy cut him off. "We don't say good bye. Remember?" He nodded silently, understanding the meaning of her words. She turned and walked out the door, closing it carefully behind her.  
  
If I could say what I wanted to say I'd say I wanna blow you away Be with you every night, Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could say what I wanted to see I want to see you go down on one knee Marry me today Guess I'm wishing my life away With these things I'll never say  
  
As she walked out of the building Buffy was kicking herself. All she'd had to do was talk to the guy, and tell him that she needed him. That she loved him.  
  
Once she got into the car, Buffy closed her eyes. Silently she sent all of her love and tears and good byes to him. To Angel, who'd probably never recieve them. Tears trickled down her cheeks, but she made no movement to wipe them away.  
  
These things I'll never say 


End file.
